We started pretty well, after a rough birth, my colostrum was expressed the first night then I managed to get a latch about an hour before I was discharged from the hospital the next day. This was after trying to get him to latch every single time I heard a noise from him. By the day 5 midwife visit, all was going eerily well. A surprise given that my antenatal breastfeeding class had been cancelled due to covid.
But then the pain started. I thought this pain was to be expected, I thought I just had to tough it out. By day 10 I realised it was something else. I couldn't feed anymore, the pain was too much. I reached out for help. To the midwife, to the health visitor, to the Breastfeeding Support in Barnet group. I was advised to pump to keep up my supply and bottle feed the pumped milk. Aside from about a bottle a day of formula, I was pumping enough, mainly because I was pumping every 2 hours around the clock. With a manual pump. Cue more pain... Then I was advised to get an electric pump, hospital grade, so I got one on rent from Medela. Cue more pain... The flange size was wrong. After about 2 weeks of trying to establish a pain free pumping routine I did. Greys Anatomy got me through the 3am pump alarm, but the worst thing in the world was hearing my son call out, knowing he needed me, but being stuck to the pump. Then there were all the blocked ducts, every time I got chills and felt ill. I just knew I had to try and avoid mastitis so I'd use hot compresses and massage to try and pump through the pain. Funnily enough, it was the breast shells that got air to my cracked nipples that were causing more blockages. After 6 weeks of pumping, we finally had tongue tie identified by a health visitor on a video call. We had to find a tongue tie clinic that was open during the pandemic, I even had to track down the right referral form for the health visitor to use. Once the tongue tie was reversed, we finally had another go at breastfeeding. There was still pain, but I realised that this was the bearable pain that was the two of us finding out how to do this properly. Sok is now 15 weeks old. He hasn't had any formula or a bottle in 7 weeks. He now exclusively breastfeeds, giving him the best possible start in life and giving us an unparalleled bonding experience. I don't have 2 hourly alarms set to pump, I'm not spending time washing and steralising instead of being with my son. I can leave the house knowing if he's hungry, I can feed him. I'm so so glad that I persisted. I'm so grateful for all the support I've received from my family, my friends and from La Leche League who I came to quite late in the process but whole have been incredibly encouraging and kind. Seeing Sok smile after a good feed is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I am in awe of all breastfeeding mothers, especially those who battle through the hard times. We got this! #WBW2020 #BreastfeedinginLockdown #RealBreastfeedingStories
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I’m writing this on the weekend of World Breastfeeding week, I got so inspired reading various stories and journeys and women opening up about their struggles as I do think that breastfeeding is wonderful but sometimes it is hard work and doesn’t come as easy as you might think. Here is my story..so far.
Looking back when I was growing up I often pretended to breastfeed my dollies as this is just what you do, I thought: this is how babies eat. I knew about formulas and my mum told me that this is what babies eat later when mum doesn’t have enough anymore and this is how I had it in my head. I didn’t even think to question it because it felt very natural. Later on when our friends started having babies I discovered that most of them used formula so I was curious as to why and by the sound of things it was mostly by choice. Whether it is a personal preference or linked to pain while nursing, ladies I spoke to choose to stop their breastfeeding journey. They CHOSE to stop it, and I can’t recall anyone who wasn’t ABLE to do it, because they did not have enough supply. Therefore, I haven’t even thought about educating myself about it but I really wanted to breastfeed. When I was pregnant and went to antenatal appointments, walls of the Birthcenter and hospital had always had numerous posters promoting breastfeeding and listing the benefits of it. We took antenatal classes that were suggested by my midwife and there was a lesson on infant feeding. Keeping in mind it was called Infant feeding, not Breastfeeding the things I brought out from this class was that breastfeeding is highly encouraged and you can get support if you struggle but again not much was mentioned about milk supply as such. It was briefly mentioned that you can harvest your colostrum but till today I think the importance of it wasn’t stressed enough! It was more mentioned in a way that it is a good thing to do if you can, but you don’t have to. Well, I think you absolutely should. Our daughter has always known what she wanted, and she wanted to come out early. My waters suddenly broke when I was exactly 38 weeks pregnant so I had to hope that all I knew by that stage is enough and we will learn the rest as we go. A few things went wrong during the delivery and I ended up loosing a fair bit of blood. I saw the amount in the discharge paperwork but didn’t think much of it at the time as no one mentioned anything about it, but what we found out later is that those 1.1 litres of lost blood made me anaemic and contributed to really low supply and the fact that my milk didn’t come until day 6! When the midwife came to see us at home on day 5, she discovered that the baby lost too much weight (which now I know is a common thing among exclusively breastfed babies), she then put me on the pump (at that stage I hadn’t even looked at how to assemble it!) and discovered I had no milk coming out at all, just little bit of colostrum. As the baby was also quite jaundice, she said we have to go to A and E as soon as we can. OBVIOUSLY this scared me so much! And that on top of being super hormonal and not having slept for longer than 1-2 hours a night resulted in a lot of tears and stress (which again NOW I realise didn’t help the supply either). At A and E they were really quick with calculating how much she must drink at a time and gave me formula. I wasn’t educated enough to know that there are ways around it WITHOUT the formula but by then I was so scared and all I wanted was for my baby to get better and since it was paediatrician in hospital who suggested it I didn’t question it at all: I was thinking about formula as a medicine and was determined to carry on breastfeeding and go to infant feeding groups I knew where going on at the local Children’s center. (This never happened as- BOOM the lockdown). Because of me panicking about baby’s weight and feeling guilty that we are back in hospital we were giving her the bottle first and then offering her the breast. Midwifes in hospital did mention that it should be the other way around, but only briefly. I think I would have preferred to be told that actually if I want to maintain my milk supply I should offer breast first in a more firmly way or at least be reminded about emptying the breasts after each feed. But again, only because I know what I know now. The good thing about giving her a bottle was that this is the reason her tongue tie got diagnosed quick enough!! And we eventually got an appointment and had it revised a couple of days before the lockdown! I’m so grateful that this happened because she is feeding so much better now! Anyway all of the above and perhaps something else contributed to me not having enough milk. Most people around me were suggesting to switch to formula completely but I was determined to give her as much of the breastmilk as I can. We started combi feeding. I switched to offering breast first and then topping the baby up with formula and I also pumped when I could. I didn’t do it after each feed (which again, NOW I know I should have done) but I did it as much as I could. After the initital first few days when I tried to exclusively breastfeed I tried again after her tongue tie got released but it didn’t work because she constantly wanted nursing and after doing so for an hour was still hungry so I though that by then she got used to her bottle and wanted it. I didn’t know about cluster feeding until even later than that and that she in fact was cluster feeding! I kept thinking she is just not getting enough! I felt guilty for SO long for not being able to exclusively breastfeed, for not being educated enough or maybe to push myself harder, but I did give it the best I could at the time with the knowledge and support network I had during the lockdown! Also I have to mention that if it wasn’t for my partner who was supporting me in this although the feeds were taking significantly longer times that it would have been with either just breastfeeding or the bottle we wouldn’t have been where we are now! I did speak to Breastfeeding support works, and have to say they are great and they tried to help as much as they could without being able to offer face to face consultations. Not wanting to offend anyone but a lot of them don’t have babies and although they were very knowledgeable and experienced with other mums they we not quite hearing what I was trying to say and understandable offering me a lot of theory advice that I already knew and tried by the time I reached out for help. But then I got connected to a lady who actually understood and that was that little bit that I needed to stop feeling so so guilty. My partner did support me, of course, but it was something else when a stranger who what feels like doesn’t have to say these things did actually praise me for pushing so hard and not giving up (when it felt quite the opposite for me at times!) . So here we go. Instead of saying I have only managed to breastfeed my baby part time I now proudly say that I breastfeed! The fact that we supplement doesn’t feel as important, it is just a fact. I don’t know what else I could have done differently at the time with the knowledge and experience I had then, but I know what I’d do if we are going to be blessed with having another baby: -I will not feel guilty! -I will harvest and freeze colostrum so that the baby has feeds for the days when milk is not there yet, -I will start pumping after feeds while still in hospital, -I will let baby cluster feed, -I will look out for tongue tie symptoms As it’s World Breastfeeding Week, I’d to share my journey. I doubt I’ll share it as eloquently or clearly as others (and feel like I’ve forgotten some of it now) but here goes...
Before my son was born I thought I’d breastfeed - why wouldn’t I as ‘breast is best’ and naively I thought how difficult could it be. I went to an antenatal class and heard about the rugby ball feeding position... all set then! My son arrived with forceps so skin to skin started a little later than I had first hoped. He seemed to suckle away and it was a simply joyful moment that made the memory of labour a distant one. Then the real journey begun... Midwifes who tried to help and were absolutely wonderful all through the night and then midwifes who sadly wanted a quick fix and encouraged me to turn to formula. Jaundice reared its ugly head but we were off home. Exhausted but so happy to be home and a truly wonderful friend came round and showed me how to feed lying down and brought round some coconut oil. Without her support I have no idea if we’d still be going now. Those early days were so very emotional. Milk came in a few days later and that was an awful experience... felt like flu but hooray we had milk! Weight gain came and jaundice went. We seemed to be doing ok and then 1 month weigh in and it all went wrong... he wasn’t following the graph and formula was suggested. I declined and just kept feeding...oh the cluster feeds! Thrush was our next hurdle and it kept coming and coming along with sickness/ colic/ reflux/ general soaking of clothes (day and night)...the latch just wasn’t right. As a result saw an osteopath, the community midwifes and found LLL; the wonderful support from LLL as well as friends around me and we kept going. Found the amazing koala hold and everything changed: Ditched the cover up for feeding in public; weight was back on track; the pain I thought was just part of feeding had gone. Yes, we still get no sleep and feed many, many times at night but I’m sure we are doing the right thing. So grateful to the wonderful community out there! Cracked nipples is a common problem for breastfeeding mums. It is normally a sign that something is not quite right. The term cracked nipples was a euphemism. A gentle term describing the raw, bleeding wounds on such a sensitive part of my body. The problem is that once damage has been done, if the cause isn't resolved immediately, the damage struggles to heal. I was told my nipples needed to 'toughen up' as a first time breastfeeding mother. Advised to use nipple shields (a silicone teat that is placed over the nipple to give a larger/firmer object for baby to latch to) which can be very useful in certain circumstances but can also restrict milk transfer, particularly in a baby who is not feeding efficiently. A Tongue tie is where the bit of tissue connecting the tongue to the bottom of the mouth (frenulum) is tight or short. It can restrict tongue movement and may cause problems feeding. My baby was checked for tongue tie by several midwives both in hospital and at home. A posterior tongue tie was then diagnosed at 2 weeks by a private lactation consultant. 2 days later it was snipped by a private practitioner. I was told the wait on the NHS could be 6-8 weeks. I dont think I would have continued to try to breastfeed if we had to wait that time. Those 2 visits cost the same as a 3* holiday to the Costa del Sol which I would have gladly taken at that point! Diagnosis of tongue tie has increased massively in recent years. Some cite more women trying to breastfeed as the cause of this as it can cause the baby to struggle latching onto the breast deeply, often leading to pain for mother and poor weight gain due to ineffective feeding. Tongue tied babies can also experience problems bottle feeding. Some mums and babies manage feeding well with tongue tie. Having a frenotomy (the piece of skin cut to release the tightness) is only part of the treatment. Working on positioning and attachment of the baby at the breast, encouraging them to take a large mouthful of breast (not just nipple) and aiming for the nipple to reach the soft palate, is just as, if not more, important. The moral of the story here is that if you feel something is not right, ask for a 2nd opinion. The phrase 'the latch looks fine' when it isn't is like a kick in the teeth as if 'nothing can be done'. If the 2nd opinion doesnt sound right to you, ask for a 3rd, 4th or 5th opinion. Ask to see the infant feeding specialist. Some regions have lactation consultants working within NHS teams. I talk about tongue tie here but it could be any range of problems. Pain when breastfeeding is common. That doesnt make it normal. A wise woman (the leader of my local LLL group) is well known to have said "most breastfeeding problems can be resolved with some tweaking". Its hard to believe when your in the thick of it but it's true. Reach out for help. And if the help doesnt help, ask again. Feeding and Feelings by Kat HerzmarkToday is the start of world breastfeeding week and this week I would like to share some themes that have come up surrounding my breastfeeding journey. I hope they resonate in some way with others. I wanted to share a little bit about my feelings surrounding feeding my baby, which surprised me from the start. At our recent LLL (La Leche League who provide "friendly breastfeeding support") meeting we talked about how we can discus/promote breastfeeding without it coming across as judgemental of how others feed their babies. However, we also talked about how many mums were pushed into giving their babies formula (by other mums, family members and health care professionals) as a solution for problems (slow weight gain, sleepless nights, high needs babies) but it would never be ok to say to a bottle feeding mum - "why dont you breastfeed, it's the best thing for your baby". It would seem insensitive, indeed it is. But why is the same not true for the opposite? This is in no way intended to judge or shame anyone who couldn't or didn't breastfeed. But we have to be frank and acknowledge that a mother's milk is the most biologically suited food for her baby, not to mention many other benefits for both mother and baby. My baby was born big and healthy. Feeding her was challenging from the start. She was sleepy and struggled latching to my breast, not having her first feed until 10 hours after birth. At her 10 day check, at which point the expectation is that birth weight should be regained, she had lost further weight. We were then visited every 2 days. Every weigh in was filled with dread. On each visit the numbers on the scale dropped, along with my confidence. The advice from midwives, health visitors, and later, as her weight loss became more worrying, pediatricians, was to top her up with formula. No mention of addressing the breastfeeding difficulties we were having or protecting my milk production. I was surprised at my strength of feeling towards making breastfeeding work. I didnt think I would be bothered about how I fed her as long as she was healthy. In the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic, I saw posts on breastfeeding groups about the benefit of breastmilk for producing antibodies, helping babies fight infections and viruses they came into contact with. I felt that if I couldn't give her my milk, I would be setting her up to fail should any of us contract the virus. People would say "it's not the end of the world if you bottle feed her". It's true, it wouldn't have been the end of the world, but at the time it felt the end of my world. Before having children I think many people just want to be enough for their children, and here I was, not enough. I sobbed when my partner went to buy a tin of formula. I cried when we made up the first bottle, even harder when my baby gulped it down. At the same time, I was in tears at each breastfeed, gritting my teeth through the pain, anxiously watching my baby's jaw to see if she was swallowing, wondering how much I would have to top her up with and pump afterwards. A strange mix of feelings. Wanting to feed her in the way nature intended but angry at how difficult i found it, hating myself for not wanting to cope with the pain and feeling very far from the bonding experience other mums described. I had no idea the emotions attached to feeding your baby, not helped by crazy postnatal hormones! For a long time I hated feeding my baby. And that's OK. Now I love it (most of the time!) and that's OK too. #WBW2020 #realbreastfeedingstories #lalecheleague #WABA Normalising breastfeedingFeeding in public is a tricky one. I want to be all brave and brazen and 'I don't care, I'm just feeding my baby'. But the truth is, I still get embarrassed. Essentially, you are still exposing part of your body in public. I didn't get much practice at feeding out and about due to being lockdown for the first few months of my baby's life. It doesn't always look like this. Her sun hat isn't always on, perfectly covering the action! She moves and kicks and thrashes about getting latched on. She pulls the muslin I use to cover myself off as she doesn't like it. We are not always on a fairly quiet beach with only the waves looking on. She will pull off my boob to look up at something, just at the wrong moment, as someone walks past, or a waiter comes to take our order. Sometimes we've both been distracted and by the time I try to get her to feed she is hungry and/or tired and screams at my awaiting boob, a bit overwhelmed and not sure whether hunger/sleep/play should take priority. Feeding in public is generally a fumble of vest tops, bra clasps and breast pads, often with an inpatient baby. But I will continue to do it as long as i want to and my baby needs it. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen a woman breastfeed, bar family and a couple of close friends. I am spurred on and encouraged everytime I see it - so, please, for me and so many others, keep boobing! Breastfeeding Support
[last one - I promise!] At a recent LLL meeting we discussed breastfeeding rates, being desperately low in the UK and the varied support, and sometimes lack of, mums received to help establish breastfeeding. I have also learnt that some health professionals have little knowledge or training in breastfeeding, even those involved in maternity, post natal and baby care. There are some staggering facts around the numbers of lives worldwide (mothers and babies) that could be saved through breastfeeding and huge differences in UK hospital admissions for respiratory and gastrointestinal infections between formula fed and breastfed babies. 'Fed is best' is a phrase banded about quite often, seemingly in response to the 'breast is best' slogan. Of course I agree that a baby being fed must be the priority and respect any mother's decision of how they feed their baby but feel this is often used as an alternative for providing good quality breastfeeding support. Unfortunately, many mums stop breastfeeding before they wanted to, because of difficulties they encountered. Note I use the word stop rather than 'give up'. Because stopping breastfeeding is not failing. It is a decision made, often when you see no other way. Pain, cracked nipples, slow weight gain, fussy babies, low supply (or perception of), exhaustion, being the sole 'feeder', anxiety over feeding in public are among common reasons mums stop breastfeeding. Lots of these difficulties can be resolved or alleviated with good support. Levels of support for breastfeeding vary massively across the country and even within the same areas depending on what particular health professionals you encounter. World Breastfeeding Week campaigns (among other things) for government to promote and support breastfeeding. Most (all?) hospitals are signed up to UNICEF's breastfeeding friendly initiative but in practice I'm not sure what this means. In my experience, midwives have very little training in breastfeeding. It is not their fault, but they are ill equipped to offer prompt, evidence based support to mums struggling to breastfeed. Like so many things, the resources are not there for training and additional staff. I was on the post natal ward for 36hrs after having my baby and saw a midwife twice in that time. Once was to say "if the baby hasn't fed by 3pm we will give her a cup of formula". However, I have been impressed to hear of others getting good advice, health visitors and midwives working with mums to help achieve their goals. But this isn't what I experienced. Where I did find support was through voluntary organisations or private professionals - either end of the spectrum. I found my local La Leche League group, the wonderful VOLUNTEER leader who gave me 1-1 support, the lovely mums who shared their experiences, gave me kind words of encouragement and have now become friends. I joined a facebook group run by experienced IBCLCs and breastfeeding counsellors which gave evidence and experience based advice. I was lucky I found (and crucially could afford) a lactation consultant who identified problems, proposed solutions and helped develop a plan together. It was not easy. I have learnt so much in the last 5 months and I can now spot points in our journey, even before birth that might have positively affected my ability to breastfeed. I cant help but think if support was there earlier, straight after birth, at the hospital, as soon as we got home, things may have been different for me and so many other mums who struggle breastfeeding. I have been totally heart warmed reading stories from friends and strangers this week. While I have got a bit carried away, I've found writing a bit about my own journey cathartic and empowering. Thank you for reading and for the lovely comments I've received. Part 1 I didn't get to have the birthing experience I wanted. Then after over 30 hours of labour I didn't get to have my "undisturbed first hour" so that Robin could take the time to snuggle skin-to-skin before nursing. In fact his first feed (and indeed his first contact with me) was when he was already starting to fuss from hunger, while I was on my back on an operating table being put back together. We struggled to get the gown edge out from under my side so that Robin could get to my breast, without interfering with what was going on at the other end of the table, and my breast wanted to sag to the side and away from Robin who was lay across my chest. He had to be held by others so he wouldn't fall while I exhaustedly fumbled to hold my breast in a way he could reach it. Once we were in the ward a parade of nurses and midwives checked him for tongue tie, checked my nursing position, checked the latch. They all had a slightly different way of putting him on but none of them suggested a different position than cradle/cross cradle (there are probably over 30 positions that have names, different ones will suit different mothers and babies because every mother and every baby has a different shape/size/flow/need, but the possibile positions are only really limited by your imagination with the aim being a deep latch and maximum contact area between mother and baby's whole body - not that anybody said any of this to me at the time). None of them explained what getting a deep latch meant. Or suggested that forceps delivery can make a baby's neck and jaw sore and tense so they don't open their mouth wide enough, nor is the treatment involving multiple sessions at an osteopath, available on the NHS (even though the cause is). I was exhausted from labour, but also wired, and every little noise and movement woke me. I kept getting up to check on Robin in his crib next to me. Eventually I just brought him into the hospital bed with me, using the bed rails and pillows so he wouldn't be able to fall out. I was worried that the nurses would tell me off for co-sleeping, but after I was checked on 3 times and nobody said anything, I relaxed and managed to get some sleep. I figured out how to nurse in a side-lying position that first night. I was too exhausted to sit up. Finally we were allowed to go home. I was on a myriad of meds and both of us had serious bruises, but we were home. Part 2 It's normal for newborns lose weight in the first few days. Formula fed babies tend to lose less weight or don't lose weight at all. I was told "breastfed newborns lose more weight". The meaning of this phrase is the same as what I wrote above, but the emphasis is different and some mothers could become worried that breastfed babies lose more weight than is normal, or than is ok, and maybe consider using formula at this stage to "fix" this. Also this sets the formula fed baby as the default position and the breastfed baby as the outlier. I was determined to breastfeed, and worried that something or someone might interfere with that. At his first weighing Robin had lost more weight than their charts would allow, but only just. My heart plummeted. Luckily the midwife was on my side. Without a beat she said "your milk probably hasn't properly come in yet. Let's speed it up. The rules say we have to speak to a pediatrician but they will want to put you on formula. We don't want to do that." She phoned the pediatrician and our end sounded something like this: "I have an infant here [details], we have a plan in place, k byeeee". It was great. The "plan" was hard work: I was to stay in bed (fine by me). Every 2 hours my OH would wake me up with food, drink and the breast pump. I would stuff my face, down the pint, nurse the baby, use the pump for 30 mins, spoon feed the baby anything I expressed and then nurse more if he would take it. Rinse and repeat, around the clock, until our next visit to weigh him. I think it was 2 or 3 days but time lost all meaning. It worked! I cant remember what the weight target was that we set, but I remember we smashed it! Part 3 So my milk came in. I didn't understand what that meant until it happened. I thought my breasts were full before, but then they were engorged! I got mastitis from blocked ducts. This is no joke. It hurts like hell. It hurts like your breast got whacked with a telegraph pole. It hurts to nurse through it but if you don't it gets worse. It hurts to wear a bra, but it also hurts if you don't wear a bra. It makes you feel like you have the flu: weak and feverish. There is no way to comfortably position yourself without the weight of your breasts pulling at the painful area. First the right side, then the left side, then the right side. Over and over again. I was maxing out the paracetamol and ibuprofen, applying hot and cold compresses, massage, nursing in different positions to try to help drain the problematic areas, using the breast pump after feeds, applying olive oil and carefully removing blebs (dried up milk chunks that block the duct) when they were visible... As soon as I resolved it in one spot, it would start somewhere else. I got the same advice over and over again. I did research into causes of recurrent mastitis. I thought it might be thrush so I went to the GP. They took one look and said "ok here is the treatment for thrush". Starting the medication coincided with Robin not pooping for over 48hrs so I stopped it. Having learned more about it I now think I did not have thrush, which makes me think the doctor was just trying to keep me happy rather than treat me. I ditched bras and I started taking lecithin and the bouts of mastitis became a little less frequent. My mom said that blocked ducts run in our family. I resigned myself to the routine of treating them. Over 7 months on and I still get them, but much, much less often and my vast amounts of practice dealing with them means they don't stay blocked for long. I seem to have two particular areas that are now repeat offenders but sometimes I get them other places too. Part 4 So after the initial weight loss that was more than the acceptable normal weight loss for breastfed babies, and then subsequent smashing of our weight gain target, we continued to have weight gain problems. For a few weeks it all seemed fine, his chart showed a series of date points that neatly matched the curves of the percentiles. But then his weight plateaued for 2 weeks. Maybe just normal growth rate fluctuations? Nothing to worry about. Check again in 2 weeks. Still weighed the same. Now he had dropped down a percentile group. Any other issues? Sore nipples (a sign of a bad latch)? Not really. Is he settled after a feed? Yes, usually. Maybe you have low supply. Nursing - pumping - hand expressing - feeding expressed milk - nursing regime was reinstated (see part 1 of this saga, though not every feed this time, thank goodness. There just arent enough hours in the day, or hands for doing that and looking after a baby). And we introduced "switch feeding", where you feed on one side for 10-15 mins and then switch to the other side for 10-15 mins and then switch back again. It was exhausting. And as it turned out, fruitless. A smidge of weight gained in a week but not enough, and then plateaued again the week after. It was demoralising. A visit to a lactation consultant: latch looked fine. More switch feeding nursing - pumping - hand expressing - feeding expressed milk - nursing. Also vitamin C and D and steroids. Every week going to the clinic to be weighed, every weighing a disappointment and a frustration. His weight was creeping up each week but not by enough. He had dropped another percentile group. Formula. I was upset, but "fed is best" right? The problem is that if you start using formula, your baby feeds from you less therefore you get less stimulation of your milk supply, so it can drop further. Or at least become very difficult to go back to exclusively breastfeeding. Not to mention nipple confusion or the risk of the baby showing preference for the bottle and subsequently refusing to breastfeed (though there is a solution to that). I wanted to keep breastfeeding and my health visitor wanted to make it work for us so we continued the nursing - pumping - hand expressing - feeding expressed milk (+ formula to make the bottle up to a set volume) - nursing regime. Weight checks continued to be disappointing despite the formula. Thankfully the next step was not more formula (which could have resulted in my own supply dropping further), but different formula. Special high calorie formula. We also got a referral to the pediatrician, who sent us a letter for an appointment several months later, which got cancelled because we were in lockdown by then. He started to gain weight normally again but he was way behind where he would have been. A few weeks of consistent weight gain and lockdown meant that we stopped having weight checks, so I tracked his weight at home using our bathroom scales (not very accurate but good enough to map a growth curve) and his weight continued to increase. I was tired. And I was struggling to even find time to pump twice a day, so I stopped pumping and hand expressing. Robin was falling asleep at the breast more so I skipped a few formula feeds (he was asleep what could I do?). I watched to see what the growth curve looked like, desperately hoping that it would just carry on going up. But it slowed again. I just wouldn't, couldn't go back to pumping and hand expressing. I decided to wait it out. Maybe it was just a fluctuation. 2 weeks later the curve was still flatter than the standard on the chart but I couldn't really figure out how to fit the dropped formula feeds back in without replacing a nursing feed as he now napped almost every time. And he was still having some. And seemed so happy and healthy. And honestly I was getting really sick and tired of washing bottles. That was supposed to be one of the benefits if breastfeeding right? Not needing to mess about with bottles? Once we tried increasing the volume of the formula top up and ended up with a screaming baby and way more puke than was normal for him. We had to give him calpol to get him comfortable enough to sleep. We didn't do that again. In fact we gave him even less formula after that (some days skipping it entirely) and noticed a more settled, less burpy baby. We got a letter from a pediatric dietician about a phone appointment. We weren't expecting that but apparently that was the protocol for anyone prescribed the special formula (that we were now barely using). Robin was almost 6 months at that point (due his 6 month check-up) so we agreed that, since I had already tapered his formula right down, if he made weight at his check-up, we could stop using the formula altogether. It turns out my flattening home charted growth curve may not have been accurate after all. Rather than slowing... after all his plateauing and percentile dropping... this time he had actually shot up a percentile group above where he had started 6 months earlier. Now we happily exclusively breastfeed (except for baby led solids, and boy does he love to stuff his face). I only switch feed when he is fussing. I only express if I have a blockage. Breastfeeding isn't simple, we all have stories, mums need support, culture needs to change by Leah FeldmanIf you chose/choose not to breastfeed or were unable to breastfeed your baby I hope you will read this post. It's not intended to be a guilt trip. It is important to talk about these issues because many of you will have chosen not to or stopped breastfeeding because of factors that were outside of your control (though you may not have realised that at the time). There are things that society needs to do to change this and give mothers back control of their choice to, or not to breastfeed. One of them is breaking the taboo around breastfeeding so here goes: Today at our virtual LLL meeting one of the ladies brought up concerns about talking about breastfeeding outside of our safe space without wanting to shame anyone for not breastfeeding. We touched on the feelings of guilt and shame we all felt when breastfeeding wasn't going as well as we expected it to and a lot of us would have given up if it weren't for the support of family/ other mums/ that one health professional. Many mums felt that they weren't given enough support by their midwife or health visitor to continue breastfeeding, weren't signposted to the advice we needed, some were advised by health professionals (as well as family or other mums) to just use formula, rather than resolve breastfeeding difficulties. Britain has one of the worst rates of breastfeeding in the world. I think there are a few reasons why it has gotten, and remains, this bad despite the overwhelming scientific evidence that breast is best for both mother and baby under most circumstances. We dont talk about breastfeeding or see it enough. When it isn't all around us it isn't part of our culture and many women might not choose to do it because they don't even think about it. We don't see it as normal and natural because we just don't see it happening. Some mothers are fed unrealistic expectations that breastfeeding is the "most natural thing" as if we all have an innate ability to do it and the baby will just feed easy peasy. This is unhelpful because when things go wrong mothers may not initially realise their is a problem, may not seek help, may not know there is help available and where to find it. Some mothers are fed horror stories and just don't want to experience that. Some mothers don't think its compatable with going back to work, or getting enough sleep, or their lifestyle choices, and don't know that a lot of these things are myths and with breastfeeding there are sometimes ways to have your cake and eat it too. Again you need the culture to even consider that there are options, and to know where to get the support. Some mothers or babies have medical problems that interfere with their ability to breastfeed, for which many medical professionals are equipped to properly deal with so they tell you to use formula because they don't know any different (often there is a breastfeeding friendly solution, or it's one of those common problems that occur with breastfeeding for which there is support) Some mothers experience aversion, which is a real problem and again there is support out there. It's not even a case of if you don't ask you wont get if you don't even know to ask. You can only work with the information you have. And many people reach for formula as the solution because they believe it's the only one there is. Again this is not a guilt trip. What I am saying is that it is not your fault for not feeling able to breastfeed and you should not feel guilty for doing the best for your baby with the information you had. It's society's fault. Tomorrow is the start of World Breastfeeding Week. I am going to try to share more about breastfeeding, including my own personal story, in the hope that it helps break the taboo and help someone else seek out the help they need. LLL is La Leche League which is a worldwide breastfeeding support network. Also shout out to Llaeth Mam which is a breastfeeding support network in Wales that I also go to (also virtually of course) How I get enough sleep as an exclusively breastfeeding mother by Leah FeldmanBefore I start I need to say that my baby doesn't sleep through the night. Its normal and healthy for babies not to sleep through the night, so why should we expect them to?
OK. So do I get enough sleep as a mother? Some nights I don't, but mostly I do. How do I get enough sleep? So many people suggest that the way to get enough sleep as a new mother is to give the father or another member of the family the responsibility of a night feed. It's in our popular culture; tv shows and films show new parents with a baby crying from the next room and a groggy mother kicking a father out of bed with an "it's your turn". Well, you could do that. You could even do that with expressed breast milk and still not give formula (though even that could be problematic early on in your breastfeeding journey as skipping the night nursing can negatively affect your supply). However, I don't make daddy do the night feeds and I still (mostly) get enough sleep. Or I at least get the same amount of sleep that a mother would if they played out the above scenario night after night. So how do I get enough sleep? By snuggling! I decided I was going to co-sleep, while I was still pregnant. People would ask me if I had gotten the baby's room ready and my answer was nope, why bother, they wont need one. It was just logical to me. Option 1: baby in own room wakes and cries. I would have to wake up, get up out of bed, go to the other room, make noise, probably trip over something, pick up the baby, calm the baby (crying babies don't settle to feed as well as a calm baby), nurse the baby (without falling asleep and dropping the baby), put the baby back to bed, stumble back to bed, and fall back to sleep. Both parents woken by the crying. Time spent awake: at least 20 minutes. Option 1a: baby in own room wakes and cries. I would have to wake up, wake my other half up, make him get up out of bed and go to the other room, making noise, probably tripping over something, he would have to pick up the baby, calm the baby (unless I can fall back asleep while the baby is crying), meanwhile go downstairs and make up a bottle of breast milk or formula, feed the baby (without falling asleep and dropping the baby), put the baby back to bed, stumble back to bed (probably waking me again), and fall back to sleep. Both parents woken by the crying. Time spent awake: at least 5 minutes, probably disturbed twice per feed. Option 2: baby in bed with me stirs, not quite awake yet but waking up. I would be woken up, have to take out my breast, snuggle baby closer in a side-lying nursing position, put breast into baby's half asleep still gaping searching maw (a breastfed baby can smell, nuzzle, seek out and latch onto mom's nipple without opening their eyes), and both of us can then go back to sleep (still nursing). No crying, no getting out of bed. Time spent awake: 2 mins tops. No brainer. Of course it's not so simple in practice. Sometimes I get woken up multiple times if baby's latch isn't quite right and he falls off, or if he is very hungry and I have to switch sides. The side-lying position has taken a fair bit of practice to get it down, and I have become so attuned that every little movement wakes me up. But it is definitely worth it. Of course advice about co-sleeping has been fraught with misinformation and poor quality research that has led people to believe wrongly that co-sleeping is dangerous. However, there have been efforts made to correct this and bring co-sleeping back into the realms of the norm in a safe way. And it turns out that if you follow the "safe" co-sleeping advice, risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) is actually lower than in babies in their own beds (for full term babies that are not undersized). I put "safe" in quotes because it's kind of common sense. Make sure your baby can't fall out of bed or get trapped under bedding or between the mattress and the wall. Don't be drunk or on drugs that could impede your ability to wake up if your baby wriggles. Less obvious are the next two: Exclusively (or primarily) breastfeed and don't be a smoker (applies to your partner if they are sharing the bed too). I am pretty sure its because if your baby is exclusively breastfed they will stay close to your breast rather than wandering and getting into trouble (even newborns can wriggle around in a bed) and smoke interferes with baby's sense of smell so negates this. I believe breastfeeding also affects your hormones to help you stay tuned in to your baby's movements and noises even in your sleep. For more info just search for safe co-sleeping. But aren't you worried you will squash him in your sleep? Nope. I spent 6 months of my pregnancy only able to sleep on my side and unable to roll over without serious effort. I trained for this. And also babies object to being squashed and let you know about it. They also object to having blankets over their faces and will flail and wake you up. So that's my bit about co-sleeping. Not just co-sleeping, but baby snuggling. I love it and wouldn't do it any other way (even if I occasionally get smacked in the face or kicked in the stomach). It's a very long post but worth reading it!
It's world breastfeeding week and we should celebrate that we, as mums (and daddies too through a bottle), can give the best to our babies and toddlers. But, as everything that is rewarding, it comes with loads of challenges: Dan and I did an antenatal course while pregnant with Lennon. They told us all that could go wrong during labour but breastfeeding was left as something that will come naturally with no complications. So, when Lennon was born, I thought I was breastfeeding fine, until... A health visitor saw Lennon very jaundice and sent us straight away to A&E. At the hospital we were told that Lennon was at the threshold of being dehydrated. As a first time mother I felt lost, I felt a failure that I was not feeding my baby properly and was thinking all the time: "how could I have not noticed this?!". I was told to combine breastfeeding with formula and although I followed this advice and gave Lennon formula, I never lost hope on breastfeeding. So I sought advice and a health visitor took time during her visit to show me how to achieve a good latch so Lennon could suck correctly and feed effectively and sufficiently. It was at that point that I felt a massive different between what I was doing before and what a 'good' latch is! I felt so confident that after two weeks of combining formula with breastfeeding I stopped the formula and started breastfeding exclusively. Lennon kept putting on weight and even got to the 91st centile curve on the weight chart!!! I also joined the La Leche League (LLL - a worldwide NGO) group in Barnet and attended to their meetings every week. I loved meeting other mums and sharing experiences about breastfeeding and get a million questions answered by the LLL leader and mums. When I went back to work, when Lennon was 8 months, I did not want to loose that special connection that breastfeeding brings to me and my baby. So I told my employer that I was still breastfeeding and that I need to express milk at least twice during my working hours. At work I was given a private room to express milk. That milk was then sent to Lennon's nursery so the teachers there could feed him. I could then not wait to see Lennon in the evening to have a proper breastfeeding moment, which also took place in the morning. I breastfed Lennon everywhere, from posh hotels, to airplanes and even on buses. And yes, there were people who gave me that ugly look, but I just thought to myself, well, my boobs are not for you to look but for my son to feed! I breastfed Lennon until he was 3 years and 3 months. Then we had Noah, when Lennon had just turned 4 years old, and just before lockdown was officially announced in March due to COVID-19. Given that I had over three years experience in breastfeeding Lennon, I felt I knew exactly what to expect with Noah and thought... "this is going to be easy peasy!" Oh boy, how wrong I was!!! From the first moment Noah latch on my boob I could tell something was not right! At hospital where I gave birth they reassured that the latching was fine, but I knew deep inside that it wasn't (mum's sixth sense!). Noah was not sucking strongly and he was dribbling lots of milk down as he was feeding. I advised his health visitor about this, but they told me not to worry because Noah was putting on weight. While that was very reassuring I kept insisting, especially, as my nipples became very sore to the point that I was seeing the stars every time Noah latched. I was in tears with the health visitor begging her to do something as I was suspecting Noah had a tongue tie since he has an obvious lip tie and the tongue tie was then very likely. Finally the health visitor referred me to their lactation consultant. Since by then lockdown was in place, none of the professionals could come to our house, unless ultra necessary. So the lactation consultant rang me and after I described to her how Noah's tongue was when he cried, she automatically said: "it looks like Noah has a tongue tie". As the tongue tie clinic in West Herts were we live had been closed due to COVID-19, the only chance to get his tongue tie revised was for the East Herts clinic to accept him ( a bureaucratic process). Fortunately, Noah was given an appointment for the East Herts clinic as someone cancelled their appointment. Dan and I took Noah there and after a few seconds of Noah being checked we were told that Noah had a class 2 tongue tie and it needed to be revised. We agreed and Noah's tongue tie was revised on that day when he was around 6 weeks. Immediately after the procedure I was given Noah to feed and I could immediately noticed a massive difference in his sucking!!! Breastfeeding had then become less painful and more enjoyable!!! I re joined LLL as I felt I needed more advice on breastfeeding and met a lot of mums who have gone through a very similar situation to me and have given me a lot of suggestions. One thing I have also learnt about breastfeeding is that it is a personal choice. There are some mums who want to breastfeed and have no problems at all, others like me who have had challenges, others who would love to breastfeed but can't because of a medical condition either in themselves or/and their babies and others who prefer to give formula than breast milk for various reasons. We, as mums, must respect others and helps those struggling with breastfeeding to make it an enjoyable and as much pain-free experience. If you are struggling with breastfeeding and need help or are pregnant and want to get as much advice as possible before the baby arrives, I am sure that LLL will be more than happy to help you! Their website is https://www.laleche.org.uk/ #breastfeeding #breastmilk #breastfed #breastfeedingweek #lalecheleague #LLL #tonguetie This two pictures signifies a very special moment for me and my breastfeeding journey. The top photo with the blue lids was the first of many Donor Milk drop offs to help feed my twins when I was too unwell to do so. The bottom photo is my milk that I was able to donate back to Hearts Milk bank. Thank you to all those wonderful Mummies who donate their milk to help families like ours and I feel incredibly proud to have been able to give back. This photo is marking many different celebrations, World breastfeeding week, National Twins week, Celebrating my twins 1st Birthday & fully relactating after birth trauma
This is me nursing in public at Colchester Zoo for our twins 1st Birthday. We never thought we'd get to a year nursing, but here we are, loud and proud After the most terrible birth, being in hospital away from my babies for just over 7 weeks, losing most of my supply to after a catastrophic hemorrhage during emergency C-section followed by an infection turning into Sepsis, I was able to fully relactate and get both babies off of bottles and exclusively breastfeeding So I will proudly feed my babies in public, whenever & where ever they want. So this weekend marks the start of World Breast Feeding week. My journey in this world has been diverse to say the least - and this year as the focus is on breaking down the taboos surrounding discussing and seeking support I wanted to share my experiences.
I had to share the photo below (with full credit shown) as I have experienced all forms of feeding shown. With G I tube fed expressed milk for as long as i felt able. With Tiggy we have had an even more complex time due to tongue tie, poor latches and Covid restrictions and so I have expressed, bottle fed, used her sister’s NG tube to set up a home made supplementary nursing system (literally taping a tube from a bottle to my breast) and then ultimately breastfed when she finally worked out what to do. I will NEVER shame anyone for the choices they make. I believe fed is best in its widest sense (and that also means choosing a blended diet not formula for G in the end, contrary to NHS guidance). But the most important aspect is actually being INFORMED. It turns out breastfeeding can be bloody difficult and not always the ‘natural’ instinctive act media would have you believe. What frightens me is how little support there has been for either of my children in terms of making the best decisions for them and for me. I knew after G that establishing BF was important to my mental health- just like I realised I had to stop expressing for G after 10 weeks. But I left hospital with little guidance and a poor latch with tongue tie. It was only through powerfully supportive conversations with close friends (esp Jane Alagappa-Bass , Louise Smith and Nicola Sheldon ) and some wonderful input from La Leche League Barnet that I navigated my way to an end point i felt happy with. The fact i happened to have a couple of NG tubes and felt confident using them was also an unexpected side benefit. So please lets advocate for better support and input so people can establish what is right for them and their family and make informed choices. And then let us respect those informed choices and support each other in the paths we follow. I worry that lockdown will have left so many first time (and repeat) mothers struggling - so I hope you can hear my shout out for the wonderful job you are doing. And finally a personal picture which i am very proud of- proving you can feed anywhere when you are having a first socially distant cuppa with a friend! #WBW2020 #lalecheleague #breastfeedinginlockdown #tubiemum It's World Breastfeeding Week. (1st-7th August)
We are at 834 days of breastfeeding and counting. Trust me when I say I am one of the lucky few when I say I had access to FREE skilled support. This support came in the form of my boyfriend Dee who has helped support our journey from day 1. He knew nothing about breastfeeding before Ellie came along- but he soon became our biggest support, professing the benefits to anyone who would listen. It came in the form of my local volunteer lead support group La Leche League Barnet and the lovely Eszter Bove. They still support me now. And when it's safe for them to open up I'll be right back to group. Not because I need specific help but because it's a safe space It came in the form of various mama friends at different stages in their journey- muddling through with me. Vicky Stacey Jasmine Loren Joanna Becky Bethany Beth Samonsta Daniella Saraya Talya Sammie It came from a wonderful volunteer support peer who explained leaps and cluster feeding. It came from amazing online communities- evidence based support groups such as Breastfeeding Yummy Mummies and Breastfeeding Guidance and Support UK which I’m lucky enough to be part of the admin team and support other women. Want to know where it didn't come from? My home HV team, who recommended I go against WHO and NHS advice by refusing Ellie breastmilk to protect her teeth (there’s no basis to this. Unlike formula, breastmilk doesn’t do this) My GP who incorrectly told me I’d need to stop feeding Ellie when prescribing medication they assumed wouldn’t be compatible (wrongly after checking with The Breastfeeding Network Drugs in Breastmilk information service ). An A&E doctor who wrongly advised me to withhold breastmilk as they weren’t aware that BM is considered a clear liquid. My community HV team who are incredibly inconsistent with the level of concern they have over Ellie’s weight. You see... This is why this week is so important. Because the NHS doesn't have ANY funding for supporting breastfeeding. At all. It's not there. ALL of my support has come from family, friends, volunteers or I've paid for private support. Why can't breast/chest feeding parents access free support on the NHS? Because it's not funded. Not even partially in this area. Zero. Funding. Not a penny. Know what is funded though? Formulas created for infants with CMPA. So I could access formula for Ellie if I needed it but I couldn't access breastfeeding support. Because infant feeding is important. But not equally important. AND THAT IS WHY THIS WEEK IS SO IMPORTANT!! As it's World Breastfeeding Week, people in my "village" have been reflecting on their breastfeeding experiences and journeys. And I'd like to share mine.
I'd like to start by acknowledging that many people I know have shared with me that they tried/wanted to breastfeed, but either chose to stop or were only able to for a certain period of time. This is really common and can be something that people feel huge disappointment, shame, and guilt about. I'm posting this in the hope that if anyone is trying and struggling, or wants to try and then struggles, that they have hope it might be possible to persevere. The number one element for me in all of this is having a village of supporters. For me this has been absolutely key to having breastfed for 9 months and counting. My supporters have been friends, family members, and professionals. People who have breastfed and people who haven't. People to whinge and cry to and people who can actually offer concrete advice. People who are empathic and compassionate and who above all, respect and supported my parenting choices. This started pre-birth. I had friends who breastfed and had been open about benefits and struggles. The local hospital antenatal classes included an optional session on breastfeeding, which was key to the start of our journey. It made us feel prepared with the very basics, happy to give it a go and see what happened. So much so we didn't but any bottles nor did we buy any formula. Following an emergency C section, we were all surprisingly with it and the midwives in hospital were also supportive with the basics and helped me get started feeding. So far so good. Unfortunately it went downhill once we got home. Aidan seemed to feed a lot but then cried a lot after feeds, he didn't just feed and sleep like we had expected. But then we didn't really know what to expect, and babies do cry....?! Luckily a midwife from the class visited us on day 5 and was thrilled to see we had started breastfeeding. Unfortunately, Aidan didn't seem to be getting as much milk as hoped and had dropped too much weight since birth. This as least explained why he was so unsettled but we felt awfully guilty for not knowing sooner. And so the parent guilt begins . Thankfully, rather than jump to suggesting formula, the midwife made some suggestions to support both direct breastfeeding (use of nipple shields) and a short term plan to increase Aidan's weight and prevent the need for admission via bottle feeding expressed milk. We followed these and within 3 days his weight had rocketed up and within another 5 days we could stop the bottle feeds. Thanks to all the friends in this period who helped me think through if there might be any other issues at play, sharing their experiences and helping me think more clearly. The next challenge was with the nipple shields. On the one hand I was thrilled we were having successful feeds and he was gaining weight well. But on the other hands, using shields felt like we weren't doing it "properly", and they were a faff, particularly when feeding in public! They also seemed to make Aidan gulp more air and he got quite uncomfortable with gas. At this stage, my poor friends and husband had a rather challenging task. How to try and encourage me to keep breastfeeding, and to strike the balance between helping me see that the shields were a necessary evil, but also support my desire to stop using them. Good luck on that one! I decided to seek some direct breastfeeding support from our local peer support service to help me stop using them and resolve the issues with gassiness. This was nerve racking but really helpful and Georgie was really optimistic about the chance of feeding without them in the long term. I left with a plan which felt workable to reduce their use but also tips for importing the latch without them which was invaluable. However it was really hard to actually operationalise, sometimes we could feed a bit without the shields, sometimes this led to screaming, and it was very hit and miss. I did a lot of YouTube and Facebook searching for success stories which really motivated me to keep going. I went back after two weeks with what felt like limited progress, and cried which Georgie was SO enthusiastic about how hard I had been trying and the little bits of progress we had made. I was so grateful to her for that and it really spurred me on. When I look back on this time, it really felt like an eternity. But in reality, it was just 3-4 weeks. But everything is so intense in the early baby days, and so all consuming. So with a lot of hard work and perseverance we stopped using the nipple shields. Hurrah. Thankfully, it's been onwards and upwards from there. Some bumps in the road (why is my baby clearly hungry but screaming and refusing to feed? Why is my baby so distracted by life that I end up spraying half the room with milk? Why is my baby biting me? ) but thankfully I had a village of people to turn to, online and in real life, to ask these questions and commiserate with them! Now we are 9 months in, this feels like the 'easy' bit! Oh and a nod to feeding in public. This seemingly controversial issue. I never really worried about feeding in public but then you'll know that I have a rather gung ho attitude and "if you don't like what I'm doing, that's your problem" approach to life. In the early days I was more actively discreet and although I'm not trying to flash anyone now, I'm much less reserved about that nowadays! I've had two comments in the whole time I've been breastfeeding- both positive, and both from men. Both intentionally approached me once I'd finished feeding to say how brilliant they thought it was that I was breastfeeding and felt able to do it in public too. It was such a boost, and I wish that everyone would be so kind to others. You never know what kind of journey someone has had so that really can mean a lot. There's a huge amount of support out there for people to access- free local services coordinated by the NHS, private lactation consultant for those who are lucky enough to afford it, local and national services provided by charities including La Leche League. Sometimes this won't be sufficient, or it might be difficult for people to get the right support at the right time, but I'd really encourage people to reach out. The majority of breastfeeding problems can have a breastfeeding solution. |
AuthorThe mothers of La Leche League Barnet. These Blog posts were inspired by a discussion during our Zoom meeting in August 2020, during World Breastfeeding Week. We talked about influences on our breastfeeding journeys: our initial imagination of the process and how reality shaped us, and was shaped by us and our circumstances. Please enjoy reading these raw and honest accounts, to give you a more realistic picture of what breastfeeding can look like in REALITY. Share widely if you wish. ArchivesCategories |